Editor’s note: The following is a completely fictional letter from the Ravens to the Orioles, as imagined by Birds House writer Andrew Mindzak. It is intended only as comedy and represents only the author’s opinion. To put this fake letter in perspective, please keep in mind that Andrew is a diehard baseball fan, or maybe a frustrated football fan.
Dear Baltimore Orioles,
Thanks a lot for not moving your home game on Thursday, September 5, to help accommodate our home opener as reigning Super Bowl Champions against the Denver Broncos.
Instead you made us play on the road as Peyton Manning
completely destroyed beat our secondary for 462 passing yards and seven touchdown passes en route to a 49-27 beat-down in Denver. Had this game been played in Baltimore, we’re sure the outcome would have been different… Ok, so he would have only thrown six TD passes. You could tell we were tired in the second half due to the fact that we were manhandled for 35 stinking points like a JV high school football defense we were the ones who had to travel.
Also, we wanted to say thanks a lot for not listening to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for trying to
bully you get you to play the Chicago White Sox in an earlier game even though you both would not be getting into Baltimore until late the night before.
Our playing the game on Wednesday night was clearly out of the question, as the NFL never plays games on Rosh Hashanah
except for, I dunno, the games they played on Rosh Hashanah way back in oh, let me see here… 2012.
Also, we’re not sure why you didn’t listen to Stephen A. Smith
(Can you remind me why anyone listens to him?) when he also agreed that the O’s should have given in to the NFL’s request to move their game. The fact that he said, “There isn’t a damn thing great about the Orioles” just shows how moronic passionate he is about football. Only the uninformed and biggest idiots best get to make it to ESPN’s First Take afterall!
Even though he is now the head coach for the New York Jets, we wished you listened to the comments Rex Ryan made about you not moving your game. Clearly
he has no idea what the hell he is doing, considering he has been starting Mark Sanchez for the past four seasons he is one of the best football minds in the game and knows what he is talking about.
So, thanks again for
saving us some major humiliation at home costing us a victory by making us play on the road. We are still bitter Sincerely,
The Baltimore Ravens
PS: At least you guys won your game!
by Andy Mindzak