Yellowed Pages: A bungled robbery, drunks on tape, and the most boring people in the world

Written by on December 12, 2012 in Blogs, Yellowed Pages - No comments

The Yellowed Pages recalls news from the past, in this case 25 years ago.
An account of a bizarre robbery at the Fell’s Point 7-Eleven made the front page n the Dec. 3, 1987, edition of the Baltimore Guide.

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“Two men were arrested last week in connection with the robbery of a Fell’s Point convenience store when two police officers found them posing as counter help in the store,” reads the story.

Apparently the two men had entered the 7-Eleven and demanded that the 21-year-old female clerk empty the register. Trying to force the drawer, the suspects broke it, making it impossible to open normally. Enraged, one of the men pretended he had a gun under his jacket and forced the woman into the supply closet.

While the two men continued to work on the register, a customer, Ken Simms, entered the store to buy cigarettes. Not knowing what else to do, the bungling burglars posed as clerks. While the two were looking for Simms’ brand, two police officers happened to enter the store, and the woman burst her way out of the supply closet and identified the false clerks as robbers. The two men were arrested.

The Dec. 10, 1987, Baltimore Guide features a story about a Broadway liquor store that received a suspended license after a local man videotaped the shenanigans happening outside:

“A S. Broadway business man, fed up with drunks staggering around in front of his furniture store, videotaped the action taking place in front of the liquor store across the street,” reads the article.

According to the story, Earl Keister set up the camera in the second floor window above his store, capturing film of “obviously drunken men staggering into the liquor store and staggering out with fresh supplies.” The license of Cut Rate Liquors, located in the 300 block of S. Broadway, was suspended.

Then, as now, hard evidence was key: “Usually, when neighbors have complaints against liquor-serving establishments their hearings before the liquor board are based on ‘your word against min’ evidence. The clear violations recorded in Mr. Keister’s videotape left little if any doubt what had transpired at Baltimore Cut Rate Liquors.”

The Dec. 17, 1987, Baltimore Guide had this nugget of breaking national news:

“Jim and Tammy Bakker shared top honors with Britain’s Royal Family as the world’s most boring people.”

According to the story, the designation came from the Boring Institute in New Jersey, founded by Alan Caruba. Other dull people of 1987 were Max Headroom, Sean Penn and Madonna, Vanna White, Oliver North, Bruce Willis, Donna Rice, Oral Roberts, and John McEnroe.

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